A rite of passage is an event that marks the passing from one stage or phase to another. This is a universal phenomenon, although it has fallen out of favor in our western society. This is truly a shame because this can be a time of major significance in the lives of our children We still do some things in our society like high school graduation and college graduation. There are some religious ceremonies that mark rites of passage such as the Jewish bar Mitzvah and the Catholic Communion. The Native American vision quest is also a rite of passage.
Oh, we may celebrate the high school graduation a bit, but is there a family tradition that is passed on as well? How do we celebrate the child's passing into puberty in our society? Unless it is a religious ceremony, then it just doesn't happen. But we parents are really missing a tremendous opportunity for celebration and tradition with our kids when we do nothing to celebrate these rites of passage.
I would honestly go so far as to say that the increase in teen sex and experimentation with alcohol and drugs at ever-increasing younger ages is due, in part, to our lack of rites of passage for our children. It is also due to our lack of instruction given to our sons and daughters on what it means to be a man or woman. We have abandoned our children and left the school and peers and media to pick up the slack. Our western culture has blown it. I believe that this is a tragedy of epic proportions. Parents, we need to work to get this back into the lives of our children. The impact on the lives of our children that these rites can have is enormous!
As mentioned earlier, a rite of passage is an event that marks (in ceremony) the passing from one stage to another. As a culture, we mark these rites with graduations and little else. Let me rephrase that. We allow the school system (and sometimes our religious institutions) to mark these rites of passage for OUR children. Or we allow gangs and other peer groups to supply the ceremony (initiation). What a shame!
Most cultures have instituted these rites of passage for their male population in the form of a ceremony marking the passage from boyhood to manhood. Regrettably, most cultures have done very little for the female to mark her transition to womanhood. In our western culture, how do we mark this passage? Do we have something in place that helps our sons and daughters transition from childhood to puberty and then from adolescence to adulthood? There is sadly nothing but perhaps a simple graduation ceremony from elementary or middle school and high school. How sad this is, indeed. It is a stinging indictment of our culture that we leave this to the schools. Or worse, to peer groups in the form of gangs! And the media? The media seems content to indoctrinate our youth with ever increasing sexual content and loose morals, if any morals at all. Rites of passage in our entertainment industry seem to be marked most often in the form of sexual conquest or initiation into alcohol and drugs. How sad!
As parents, we have a solemn duty to set a strong example for our children. While our children will always watch and learn from our example, as they approach puberty, it becomes our task to begin some intense instruction into what it means to be a man or a woman. This instruction will continue until it is time for them to officially enter manhood or womanhood. These transitions from example to instruction (puberty) to full-fledged manhood and womanhood (end of high school or, better yet, college) should be marked with ceremony.
Ceremony gives these passages meaning and value. Without the ceremony or something to mark this transition, the result is just a void. It is just something that we all go through on our way to adulthood. Why wouldn't we institute a ceremony to mark these transitions beyond what our schools do? And why wouldn't we establish some fundamental instruction to guide our sons and daughters through these times and onto the next phase of development?
These transitions (and the ceremonies that mark them) present us, as parents, with a tremendous opportunity to lift up our future leaders and grant them knowledge and wisdom in the process. We can choose to send them into the battlefield of life armed and confident, or we can continue to do nothing and hope that they will pick up that knowledge, wisdom and confidence somewhere along the way.
I am passionate about parenting and family. I believe that there are critical focus points that parents need to get right in order to be the most effective parents that they can be. Follow me at: http://www.parentinginfocus.com
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