Rites of passage mark the passage of a person through the life cycle - our progress from birth to death. We often recognize the passage from one stage to another of our lives, from one role or social position to another - with formal ceremonies: birthday parties, weddings, baby showers, graduations and funerals. These ceremonies help us to understand our new roles in society. They can also help others learn to treat us in new ways after we experience certain rites of passage.
As you pass through your life cycle, you will experience three main phases in each rite of passage: separation, transition, and incorporation. Simply put, you are separated from your familiar environment during the separation phase and learning appropriate behavior for the new stage you are entering in the transition phase. The last phase, incorporation, takes place when the participant is formally admitted into the new role (marriage is a good example).
While the rights of passage for teens, young adults and adults are well established in most cultures, what of our young school aged children? There are many, many rites of passage in our lives. Some are considered to be more significant than others, but almost every day we live can bring about transitions.
For young children, their first right of passage may often be the move from Kindergarten to Grade 1. In most schools, this means a move from a half-day or alternating day program to a full-day.
Let's meet Ryan:
Five-year old Ryan is in Kindergarten. For the past few weeks, his parents have been talking about the changes coming up in September. Mom has been telling Ryan that in September, he will be going to school for a full day like his older brother Andrew. Each time mom or dad mentions his new routine; Ryan expresses enthusiasm "I can't wait to be like Andrew!"
As the end of the school year approaches, Ryan begins to have trouble waking to school. Formerly an engaged and enthusiastic child, he begins to say he doesn't like school, that his teachers are mean to him and often makes up maladies in an attempt to stay home from school.
Ryan's parents call the school and arrange to meet with the school councilor. Through discussions with Ryan, it is discovered that though he's excited to be doing things like his older brother, he's sad to be leaving his teacher, worried that he won't like his new teacher and he's not quite sure how he's going find his new classroom. "I think I'm going to get lost," he exclaims.
Though the school has a transition program in place, Ryan has not actively been participating in the program. He had broken his wrist wrestling with his brother in the spring and his follow up visits with the doctor conflicted with the school's planned weekly visits to the new classroom. The school had planned a joint afternoon picnic and fitness day in the school yard but Ryan's injury prevented him from participating.
The school assigned Ryan a buddy from the Grade 1 classroom. Each day during the morning break, Ryan would spend time with his buddy, touring the school so that Ryan felt more comfortable finding his way around. At home, Mom, Dad and his older brother begin to share more of their school experiences - telling stories about their days in Grade 1 and how they felt. Within a few days, Ryan began to feel more at ease and his morning episodes lessened and then ceased completely.
The school held a graduation ceremony for the his class as the final stage of their transition program. As Ryan posed for a picture with his teacher, he smiled at her and said "I'm going to miss you next year, Mrs. Jackson, but I know my way through the halls now and I can come visit you when I'm in Grade 1."
If your child is exhibiting anxious behavior as the school year comes to a close, the following tips can help alleviate his anxiety and restore balance:
1) Staged Transition: Most schools have a planned transition program to help children adjust to their new classrooms and school routines. While most common between K and Grade 1, some schools practice the program at all age levels. Speak to your school principal if you are uncertain of your child's school policies.
2) Share: Share stories of your school days and encourage older siblings to show your children that their anxieties are a normal part of growing older. Teach them to embrace the challenges of change rather than fearing them.
3) Awareness: Talk with your child at those times when they demonstrate behavior that is contrary to their usual behavior. Share your concerns with teachers and school officials if the behavior occurs over a long period of time. Professional intervention may be required in some cases and it is your right as a parent to ask that the school assist you in getting the help your child needs.
4) Celebrate: Rites of passage are formally celebrated in all cultures. Each ceremony is unique and meaningful. Help make the transition fun for your child by holding a graduation ceremony. If your child's school does not host a ceremony at the Senior Kindergarten level, plan your own with family, friends and neighbors.
With proper planning and support, you can help plan a smooth transition for your child and end their school year on a positive note rather than having a summer marked by anxieties.
Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep 'Em Off My Couch" blog, provides real simple answers for solving life's biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com.
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